The "Good Kid" Nobody Really Knew

The Good Kid Nobody Really Knew

They used to call me a “good kid.”

I didn’t cause trouble. I showed up. I did what was asked of me. I didn’t talk back. I didn’t cry in public. I got good at keeping quiet, not just with my voice, but with who I was. And people praised me for it.

Other parents said, “I wish my kid was more like you.”

But what no one understood is that being “good” was the only way I thought I could survive.

I wasn’t being good. I was being careful.

The High Cost of Not Causing Trouble

At home, any wrong move could trigger an explosion; verbal, physical, emotional. So I learned early to stay small. To stay out of the way. To read the temperature in a room before I even crossed the threshold.

That anxiety didn’t just live in my mind, it lived in my body. I was always tense. Always ready to flinch. Always planning my next move like I was playing chess with someone who hated me.

And in the process, I disappeared.

Being Invisible Started to Feel Safe

Invisibility became a comfort. If they couldn’t see me, they couldn’t hurt me. If I said less, I risked less. I figured if I didn’t speak up, I wouldn’t be targeted. If I didn’t ask for anything, maybe they wouldn’t remind me how unwanted I was.

The worst part? It worked.

People left me alone. They thought I was independent, “mature for my age.” But the truth was, I didn’t trust anyone with the truth.

Especially not myself.

Years Later, I Still Carried It

That version of me, the one who smiled through trauma, who turned himself into whatever people needed just to stay safe, he stayed with me. For decades. I brought him into relationships, friendships, jobs. I over-explained myself. I apologized for taking up space. I let people treat me in ways I didn’t deserve because deep down, I still thought being invisible was safer than being rejected.

But that’s not living. That’s hiding in plain sight.

If You’ve Ever Felt Like That…

If you’ve ever felt like being quiet was your only way to stay safe…

If you’ve ever been called “the strong one” when you were barely holding it together…

If you’ve ever been praised for not needing help when deep down, you were desperate for it…

You’re not alone.

And more importantly, you deserve better.

Why This Story Matters

I created The Red Coat Line because no one ever looked beneath the surface with me. I built it so someone like you, reading this right now, might feel a little less alone.

So you might know that being “good” at surviving isn’t the same as healing.

And it’s never too late to be seen.

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🌐 www.theredcoatline.org
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